Not often do uncontrollable tears of joy spill down my face. After all, I’m a man. Self control and shading emotions are what we’re best at, right? If crying drains from a man his masculinity, then after tonight I will be forever singing lullabies in falsetto.
Caleb invited his first friend from school over yesterday. Alicia has never met the boy. Never met his mother. But at the prompting of Caleb’s preschool teacher, Alicia made a phone call to Alex’s mom for a play date. We were soon to learn the boys are inseparable.
“Oh yea,” said Alex’s mother, “Alex comes home and doesn’t stop talking about Caleb and all the things he does!”
How were we supposed to know how much Caleb is adored by his new friend? He can’t come home from school and tell us. Yet.
There are questions a father suffers with as soon as their child is diagnosed with autism, or any special needs for that matter. I still remember the pain as my mind attempted to register the meaning of Caleb’s “diagnosis”.
We brought Caleb home from his 13 month evaluation, and I watched as he crawled on the floor, refusing to make eye contact with us, spinning a ball over and over again.
“What happinesses will Caleb’s health challenges rob him of?” I thought.
How naïve I was. Still am. But one of the first joys that came to mind: friendship. I pictured in my mind nothing but taunting from peers, blank stares and incomprehension from Caleb, and his absolute dependence on Mom and Dad for love.
It isn’t this way at all. And yesterday that balloon of ignorance met its end with a deafening, “POP!”.
Alicia showed me the slideshow of Caleb and Alex playing today. They laughed and hugged, rode bikes, chased each other, shared snacks, made forts, and dressed up like spacemen. I’ve watched it like 20 times tonight.
Alex’s mom said to Alicia yesterday, “Now I know why Alex started saying, ‘Me house,’ and substituting ‘me’ for ‘I’ in all his sentences!”
My son has his first true friend!!! My keyboard is short-circuiting from my salty stream of tears. And I don’t even care!!! These tears, they run so quickly down my cheeks, they pool in the corners of my mouth. They are not bitter. Tears like this are the nectar of a father’s joy. I’ve rewritten this sentence three times because I’m shaking with joy like I have delirium tremens.
Call me a sissy, a Sally-cakes, or the antithesis of Al Bundy. I don’t care. I’ve given up a lot of things to be more manly the last few years: figure skating, ribbon twirling, administering Alicia’s pedicures. But one thing I can’t withhold are these tears!
Caleb is recovering! Praise God for Caleb’s ever-improving health. Praise Him for slowly lifting my veil of ignorance to reveal Caleb’s hopeful future. The future I refused to acknowledge until recently. Thank you everyone for your prayers.
As with all of your posts, my keyboard is short circuiting as well. Yeah for the love of innocent children, unpoisoned by judgement! Thanking you for sharing your self and your family.
By: cathy on April 1, 2010
at 7:36 AM
It means so much to have a person at work care about my family like you do. I am very thankful for your friendship.
By: donteatus on April 2, 2010
at 10:31 PM
Congratulations.
By: jkt on April 1, 2010
at 7:40 AM
We will sure treasure this one! Thank you Lord for bringing Alex into Caleb’s life. Tears are streaming down my face too.
By: Sharon on April 1, 2010
at 8:41 AM
I don’t know that anyone’s heartstrings are more closely tied to Caleb than yours, Nana.
By: donteatus on April 2, 2010
at 10:27 PM
Wow! How absolutely adorable they are together. I hope they have many happy years together and that they can add a few more guys into the mix too =) It is so cute to see children play together, but especially little boys…
By: alexandrite61074 on April 1, 2010
at 8:55 AM
Boys certainly have a special place in our hearts!
By: donteatus on April 2, 2010
at 10:25 PM
Wonderful!! What sweet little boys; too cute!
By: Stephanie Davids on April 1, 2010
at 9:34 AM
I really hope I get to see them play together soon! Maybe they can jump on a trampoline in the snow this winter…
By: donteatus on April 2, 2010
at 10:24 PM
Talk about tears and wet cheeks!! Weldon cries “all the time,” but he reminds me they’re happy tears.
Oh, I love them!!! What adorable pictures. What glad hope.
By: Aunt Cindy on April 1, 2010
at 10:05 AM
Dont give Weldon too hard a time. It’s so nice to hear from you so much more often now!
By: donteatus on April 2, 2010
at 10:23 PM
What a precious post! It was so cute talking to Caleb yesterday morning about his upcoming playdate with his new buddy. So excited to hear it went so well.
By: Maria Williams on April 1, 2010
at 12:07 PM
Thanks Maria. Your blog has been awesome lately! Are you that good at photoshop, or are your kids really that photogenic?
By: donteatus on April 2, 2010
at 10:21 PM
Wow! That was truly an amazing post, and the pictures are wonderful. What a beautiful relationship. Thank you for sharing the hope.
By: Andrea Scott on April 1, 2010
at 1:40 PM
I love it when we can share hopeful stories together. I’m glad Kyan is doing so well!
By: donteatus on April 2, 2010
at 10:21 PM
Okay, Nick…now MY keyboard is full of tears. I have been silent too long as I have read your posts… laughing and crying, but not commenting. Thank you for your vulnerability and for sharing your heart and life with others. Blessings and love on your precious family and you.
By: Judy Rotach on April 1, 2010
at 3:25 PM
Thank you Judy. Your family has been praying for Caleb since the get-go. We cannot thank you enough.
By: donteatus on April 2, 2010
at 10:18 PM
Recovery is so BEAUTIFUL! LOVE it! I sent your blog to my husband so he can read it too.
The pics of the boys are ADORABLE!
We are seeing healing blessings here too!
Can’t wait till my little girl has a friend!
By: Wendy on April 1, 2010
at 10:43 PM
We are afforded graces in the blessings as well as the disappointments. Do you have a blog? I would love to read about your family! We’ll pray for your daughter.
By: donteatus on April 2, 2010
at 10:16 PM
priceless.
By: Jacqui on April 2, 2010
at 8:12 AM
I hear ya. I can’t explain how hard it was to be at work knowing this play date was happening!!!
By: donteatus on April 2, 2010
at 10:17 PM
How sweet. I am so proud of Caleb and so happy for you and Alicia. God is answering prayer.
By: Carolyn on April 2, 2010
at 1:47 PM
It’s thanks to God listening to your prayers so much of this is happening.
By: donteatus on April 2, 2010
at 10:19 PM
Wow! That is so wonderful! I love it!
By: Tami Enz on April 2, 2010
at 1:49 PM
We can’t wait to see you to celebrate your little bundle of joy!
By: donteatus on April 2, 2010
at 10:13 PM
As I was reading this latest blog, “Better Than a Hallelujah” was playing in KTIS. More happy tears and understanding due to you listening, observing and sharing. Thanks! The pic of Caleb on your lap reminded me of a message I heard at Fellowship Bible Church in Nashville a few weeks ago. The message was to approach God as if we could always crawl up onto His lap and receive His comfort. Thanks for helping me understand that more fully. PK
By: Paul Kirkegaard on April 3, 2010
at 10:53 AM
I’m sure it’s no coincidence! You are a great friend Paul. Thank you for your prayers and encouragement.
By: donteatus on April 6, 2010
at 9:56 PM