Posted by: donteatus | November 7, 2010

Hunting for Unicorns


Lots of them.

After clambering up a makeshift ladder, I load my gun by flashlight, bring a warm cup of Joe to my lips, exhale, and observe the sky as the stars succumb to a rising sun.

Ahhh yes.  Life is greatly simplified here.

Here the forest floor knows only fallen leaves and branches.  It protects itself with a silence that, if interrupted by a scurrying chipmunk or a meandering grouse, will alert the rest of the forest to its presence.

It’s a wonderful, simple design.

And so I explore my mind for answers to important questions.

Why does my nose run when it’s cold?

Can deer smell coffee breath?

How can going to the bathroom be so difficult?

Why is that squirrel giving that other squirrel a piggy back ride?

Realizing such deep philosophical questions require a more practiced mind, I turn to other ways of passing time.

Like reading about dragons and unicorns.

After countless hours and hundreds of pages of fantasy/adventure books, I’m convinced there are probably more unicorns than deer roaming the woods.

I also become paranoid an irresistible blonde haired wood nymph is biding her time before seducing me.

I begin preparing excuses.

“Look, Ms. Tree Nymph…What?  Okay.  Ms. Camiliah of the Tree People, you’re pretty and all, but this just can’t work long term.”

“Why you ask?  Well because I’m just a mere mortal, and frankly, I’ll die way before you will.”

“I understand,” I say.  “Orange is an excellent color on me, but the disappointment comes when it’s off of me.  I’ve seen those male wood nymphs walking around and believe me, BELIEVE ME, you’ll be much happier at the end of the day with one of those guys.  And I’m allergic to moss.  And I’m married.”

She finally agrees, yes, a moss allergy certainly takes the fun out of the whole situation, and she leaves (get it?  she leaves?).

As I watch her go I can’t help but wonder,

Why don’t mortal women wear maple leaves and birch bark lingerie?

Wood Elves

Oh well.  Who needs philosophy?

But I digress…

Point is, I love deer hunting.  Not necessarily for the “hunting” or “deer” part, but because the whole situation clears my mind.  There’s peace here.

No worries.  I can be myself.  And I like that.


  1. If you figure out these answers, let me know. As for the potty question, try being a Girl in the woods! I am still waiting for the deer or unicorn, I may have to settle for the squirls…. Time to pack the kleenex for tomorrow.. *snif*

  2. As for the squirrels, apparently they act much like rabbits or teenagers when unsupervised. I hope you have had great luck this week hunting! Bring pics if you get anything.

  3. I got 2 button bucks. Now I can sleep in and read. Oh and my nose won’t run! I got some great pics. I will sure bring them. Have a great weekend!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s



Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 46 other followers

%d bloggers like this: